im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
