i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
