put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
Randomize
