Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Randomize
