why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Randomize
