i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Randomize
