Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
