yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
You may now shotgun with the bride
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Randomize
