Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Randomize
