Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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