I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Randomize
