I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
