i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Randomize
