I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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