once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Randomize
