True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
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