we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
