Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
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