i permit you to call me
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
His hands were made for my vagina.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
