tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
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