I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
