Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
I'm always down for nudity.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
