I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
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