Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
Randomize
