i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
