i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
