Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
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