if i can run in heels then i can drive
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
