worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
