Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
