He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Randomize
