I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
