so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
