Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Randomize
