just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
tequila makes me forget i have legs
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
How drunk are you?
Completed.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
