She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
