I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
