Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
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