Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
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