ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
im about as happy as oj after his trial
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
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