He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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