Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
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