anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
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