I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
