this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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