I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Randomize
