Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
