I think scott just propositioned me for sex
She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
