why didn't you poke me back
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Randomize
