idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
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