I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
