tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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