The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Randomize
